On the 5th of March, it will be 5 years since I birthed my son.

It's mind-boggling that time has flown by so fast, and as most mothers do, I too wish that I could have those precious baby moments back. Many of which are an unfortunate blur.   

As I prepare to launch a new service to mothers-to-be going into postpartum, it feels like the perfect time to share my journey of motherhood, and in particular, my experience of pregnancy and postpartum.

After all, my experience birthed this offering that I am now sharing with mothers-to-be. 

I fully believe that our painful experiences unfold to learn from, grow into better versions of ourselves and shape our purpose for serving humanity. 

Ayurveda 101

For the purpose of this blog, I will keep the Ayurvedic theory to an utmost minimum, but just enough so that my experience can come to life for you.

As you will learn through reading my blogs and social media posts, according to Ayurvedic science, the entire universe comprises five natural elements: air, space, fire, water, and earth. In turn, the human body and mind are composed of these five elements.

Air and space combined are called the Vata or the Vata dosha. It plays a critical role in the experience of a mother-to-be as it is responsible for the downward moving functions of the body and all functions of the uterus during menstruation, pregnancy and delivery.

Because a mother-to-be naturally starts to experience more vata within her body and mind, it is essential to keep it in balance. 

Too much exposure to the elements of air and space during this period can cause problems in pregnancy, such as causing the position of the fetus to shift, which can cause complications in childbirth.

Too much vata during postpartum can flare up a myriad of symptoms. 

Unfortunately, because almost every new mom has too much vata, these symptoms have become a regular part of the postpartum experience! 

Including myself...

My Experience With Too Much Air And Space!

Dramatic and traumatic change or transformation in our lives is a primary reason for the quality of the vata dosha becoming impaired, either through excessive accumulation or too little thereof.

Early on in my pregnancy, I experienced my first traumatic experience. My partner and I were in a long-distance relationship where the goal was him relocating to South Africa, where I lived. However, when I found out I was pregnant, I also found out that my partner had absolutely no intention of relocating.

That information was a jarring shock. One that frankly had massive implications on my entire life.

After many heart-wrenching conversations and arguments, I made the excruciatingly difficult decision that it would be in my unborn son's best interest for us to move to Canada. I felt that he would have a better future there, and having his father in his life was critically important to me.   

So, a little over 3 months pregnant, I left my beloved country and flew 22 hours on a jet plane to Canada.

Travel and especially flying requires moving through the elements of air and space, automatically exposing one to an excess of these elements. If the correct measures are not taken to keep vata in balance, these two elements flair up in one's body and mind.

Already feeling overwhelmed by my recent life experience, these long flights contributed to a further increase in vata.

At that point in my life, I had minimal knowledge of Ayurveda and was clueless about how these experiences would affect me during birth and postpartum.   

Moving in together was another dramatic change! Then 3 weeks after arriving in Canada, we decided to get married. Bam! Another dramatic change!

All of these sudden changes took a massive toll on our relationship, and instead of growing closer and building a stronger bond, the exact opposite happened.    

Within a month of my arrival, I became depressed, intensely so, to the point where I thought about ending my life on numerous occasions. 

I didn't even realize that depression during pregnancy was a thing. I honestly thought that I was an oddity. Today I know that almost 25% of postpartum depression starts during pregnancy, peaking during postpartum.

Things in my marriage didn't get any better. 

The conflict was ongoing, and I felt desperately alone and isolated in a new country where I had no support.

I was viewed as a hormonal, out-of-control basket-case. Everything that I felt and was experiencing was blamed on hormones by those around me, especially by my then-husband. 

There was no acknowledgment that what I was going through was exceptionally difficult and traumatic.

The lack of support, understanding, and compassion was overwhelming, causing a further imbalance in the vata dosha.

Today, in hindsight, it is no surprise that I was rushed to the hospital for an emergency caesarian section.

My son shifted to sunny side up - posterior position, meaning that his head was facing downwards but the wrong way. On top of that, after 40 hours of labour, my cervix just continued to swell, and my son's heart rate started to drop.  

A caesarian, including all surgeries, are a significant vata increasing experience. A caesarian is major surgery, with cold air and space unnaturally pervading many of one's organs.  

Entering The Postpartum Period

Like most moms, I had no knowledge of Ayurveda's unique role in nurturing and healing a new mom during postpartum, primarily through appropriate food and specific activities containing the vata dosha's opposing qualities to bring it back into balance.

I knew that I had to rest. 

However, I had immense resistance to slowing down because I had such an elevation of Vata qualities. If you think about wind, synonymous with air, its quality is constant movement. That, too, is one of the qualities of vata. 

Yet, a new mother needs the exact opposite quality – slowing down so she can rest to recover.

With so much vata pulsing through me, my urge was to keep moving. So two days after my caesarian - and yes, I discharged myself 24hrs after giving birth - I was up and about vacuuming and keeping myself 'busy.' This ridiculous activity impeded my surgery recovery, causing pain for a much longer duration.

Knowing that I didn't have support, I hired postpartum support - meal preparation and a few hours of random support.

I think back to the food that was prepared for me in disbelief. It was primarily cold salads and gas-inducing foods that were further vata aggravating!

A new mother's digestion is gravely affected during childbirth. This is because the qualities of vata, cold, dry, rough, mobile, subtle, clear, light and erratic, tend to put one's digestive fire out.

Feeding a new mom food with vata qualities diminishes her ability to digest food and makes her even more constipated! Assimilating the much-needed nutrients that a new mom desperately needs to heal is very difficult as a result. 

As the weeks progressed, I suffered from what is deemed as typical symptoms of postpartum - fragility, anxiety, being easily upset, resistance to slowing down, forgetfulness, exhaustion, constipation and feeling frazzled almost all the time! 

I also felt resentment and anger towards my then-husband for the lack of support that I truly needed.

Close to a year into postpartum, I was experiencing severe exhaustion and hair loss, vertigo, flatulence, cracking joints, constant constipation, dry skin, cold hands and feet, and anxiety which was almost uncontrollable!  

I do, however, count myself very lucky as I had no breastfeeding and bonding issues. For some reason, I was blessed with ample, nourishing breast milk, and my son was a healthy and happy baby who slept and ate very well. And thankfully, my depression went away as soon as my son was born. I can't even imagine how things could have ended if it didn't.

To be honest, I attribute these blessings to the fact that I continued my spiritual practice throughout my pregnancy, which included meditation, breathwork and a 4-day Silence Retreat at almost 8 months pregnant. I do not know how I managed to sit through hours of daily meditation, but I know that every fibre of my soul felt I needed to be doing just that!     

When my son was two years old, I knew that suffering from all the mentioned symptoms was not normal. There was no way that it could be!

Unbeknown to me, being in an unhealthy marriage constantly contributed to the aggravation of my doshas, enabling a constant imbalance.

At that point, I became curious about how many other moms experienced what I was going through.

After doing some research, it became pretty apparent that many women experience these symptoms, including less than ideal relationships, especially after the birth of a baby. But, sadly, many partners just don't step up. And it is mainly because they don't know how to.

With a background in psychological counselling, life coaching, and incorporating a Yogic (Vedic) philosophy into my life for several years, I really wanted to help new moms have a different experience of postpartum and motherhood. 

I decided to launch a baby clothing line that incorporated Yogic and some Ayurvedic wisdom into the slogans and artwork to help moms maintain a healthy body and mind balance.

Slowly I found myself being pulled more towards Ayurveda, not yet knowing that there was an entire body of knowledge dedicated to the mother's health and the postpartum period.

In the meantime, my marriage kept crumbling, as did my health, with my anxiety out of control.

The Ayurvedic Lifestyle Shift

At this peck of ill-health, I visited an Ashram, and it was there that I was exposed to Ayurvedic medicine.

The Seed was now firmly planted. 

I knew that Ayurveda held the key to supporting new moms during postpartum. I just knew it in my heart.

Later that year, I decided to undergo Ayurvedic Panchakarma treatments to help balance what I had learned to understand at that time, was an imbalance of my doshas, in particular Vata.

Ten days of specific treatments, fasting, and an introduction to appropriate foods made an incredible difference in my life.

A lifestyle change was also crucial.

This included eating the right foods that were aligned with my individual constitution (the unique ratio of doshas that I was born with), incorporating specific practices such as regular routine, oil self-massages, drinking a glass of freshly boiled hot water every morning after tongue scraping, which helps remove the build-up of toxins on one's tongue, all to improve digestion, just to name a few things.

The improvement in my physical, emotional and mental well-being was indisputable.

Shortly after that, synchronistic events led me to pursue an Ayurvedic postpartum caregiving qualification.

The knowledge and information honestly blew my mind.

It was like a secret world was revealed to me where new mothers had access to a unique postpartum experience that was literally transforming.

Realizing that the postpartum period is meant to be a magical and transformative process, I felt immense sadness and grief well up inside of me. I grieved that I couldn't experience that magic and tenderness. 

Yet, at the same time, it was a heartfelt knowing that I wanted to dedicate my life to empowering mothers with this knowledge so that they could experience it.

Time To Make The Sacred Postpartum Window The 'Norm'

Today, it is unimaginable for me that the sacred postpartum window - a woman's birthright - which enables a new mother to emerge feeling revitalized, rejuvenated and confident, is no longer a part of a woman's reality. 

The unconditional and unfettered love of a mother has the power to raise an entirely new generation – one that has reverence for self, others, the environment and all life forms. Yet, when a mother is functioning from a place of ill-health, constant exhaustion and a cup half full, she cannot possibly give to her children from a full cup! 

It is simply that obvious. 

Hence, it is of utmost importance that women become empowered to move through life from a place of fullness. This means that women understand the value and importance of committing to nurturing a healthy mind-body connection from a young age.

Not only to live healthy lives but also to make healthy life choices to find life partners who are respectful, supportive, loving, nurturing, and honouring of the feminine qualities that we bring into the world before we birth our children into this world.

It entails remembering the power of community and how we as women have immense power in supporting each other within these communities.  

The Sacred Postpartum Window offers such a wellspring of benefits to a new mother and baby – 42 days for 42 years – that it is honestly unforgivable that women do not have access to this knowledge and support. The well-being of future generations depends on this.

My final personal reflection on the past five years is that all unfolded as it was meant to be. Without my experience, A Mother's Spark would have never been birthed.